Missing my Angel

Well Hello 2008. Can't say I'm sorry to see the end of 2007.
Woke up this morning hoping for some miracle, change, hoping to feel different in some way. But of course the pain and sorrow is still here. I said Good Morning to Alexandra and hugged and kissed her urn letting her know how much I miss her, and hope that she is peaceful & safe.
I am really going to try to think differently about things. I need to try to stop the 'what our life is suppose to be like' thoughts - like 'I'm suppose to be changing diapers, feeding a baby right now, I'm suppose to be playing with my daughter.....'
I need now to believe that Alexandra is watching us and wants us to be happy and be a good family. I will always have her with me, and embrace the day we will be together again. I need to be thankful for what I have and hope that the future blesses us with another miracle.
I wish thinking like this would take away all the pain and heartache.

Alexandra's Mom

A New Year Is Almost Here

A year ago today - I would have laughed if someone told me I would meet the love of my life in 2007. Then I met Jack - in the form of two little lines on a stick - then as a woosh-woosh-woosh-woosh on a doppler - then a little alien looking thing on an ultra-sound. To finally getting to see that little face - my lips, his Daddy's cheeks.... Who knew it would be for such a short time. What an impact on my heart. A face that will forever be engraved into my mind.

What a blessing this journey has been - even with it ending in heart break. I have learned what the most important thing is in this world - love. That someone who lives 100's of mile away can understand me more than my Mom. That I could fall even more in love with my husband.

What do I hope for in 2008? Some peace. Some understanding. Some hope. Another little baby to fall in love with? If God permits.

To my Baby Jack - I love you with all my heart.
We miss you every day.
Please always remember you were...
wanted...
needed...
dreamed of....
And you will always be...
missed...
adored...
and loved.
I'll see you in the sunshine!

-Jack's Mommy