Saturday, December 29, 2007

1st Outting since my life changed

Well tonight seemed like a good night to take our 2-1/2 year old out bowling - thought who could resist watching that?!?
I really tried to be involved and laugh and smile with my family (DH & son) but my mind kept wandering looking for Alexandra. I really feel like my family is incomplete, and I still need to know that Alex is ok. I do know that I am blessed to have our son as some of the ladies I've met through this horrible journey aren't as blessed as I.
Strange as one wouldn't think of themselves as blessed at this moment but I am not so far gone that I don't realize that things could be worse, So call it a step forward? Doesn't mean that I honestly feel sick to my stomach not having Alexandra with me.
My Dh has made a few tiny comments about 'if' we have another but I am scared to think he's just trying to make me feel better as he nows at this moment I do want to try again. i also know that it's too early to really make any decisions. I guess I feel that the pros outweigh the cons (though you couldn't tell me that 2 weeks ago)
Well my son is in bed and my DH has gone out to get a tattoo of Alexandra's name. Sweet I think, I'm going to get one too but believe I need to lose 30 lbs of the baby weight first.
I guess I don't really have anything really meaningful to say just felt like talking to some friends would may understand my wandering mind.......
Alexandra's Mom

1 comment:

Christine (Lucy's Mom) said...

i like the tattoo idea. i have one in mind for my self. and i hate to sound trite but hang in there. the grief comes in waves. on minute you'll be fin and the next WHAM! you'll be on your ass wondering what happened. take you time take deep breathes and know that we are hear to listen, and hold your hand. on a side note i think it is good that you at least tired to go out it took me weeks to do anything that wasn't just family or therapy.