I haven't written in awhile as I feel like I'm in such a strange place, no words would really make sense of any of it. The whys still creep in and break my heart again and again. I'm finding it hard to look at any little girl now - not just the little babies anymore. It's almost impossible not to think of what should have been. I fight within myself not wanting to accept this new normal life - I don't want it, I want Alexandra here with me raising her to be a good little girl, playing with her Daddy and brother. We are a good family, kind and gentle to others, I can't understand why this would happen to us. I'm afraid Alexandra was the last chance I had to have a baby, a sibling for Tommy. My heart is broken and I feel my spirit is too.
Somedays Alexandra I miss you so much I wish I were in heaven just to be with you.
Hugs & Kisses Always my little Peanut. xoxox
Mommy
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