Monday, February 4, 2008

1st Baby I've held since you Peanut

Peanut,
Sunday was the first day I held another newborn baby since I held you in my arms and told you how much I loved you and will see you again. I was so scared, as soon as I saw the baby in the room I started to cry. I just wanted YOU so bad! Even now the thought and aching of wanting and needing you brings me to tears.
You are a sneaky one I must say. When I asked you Sunday morning to give me the strength to see this baby, I wasn't expecting the sign I got!! How in the world does a little boy end up wearing the same outfit, that we put you in on the last day we would see you on this earth? Amazing. Thank you for the sign.
I remember picking that outfit for you thinking how cute it was, then going to buy a pink onesie to go with it. You looked soooo cute and cuddly, I don't know how they got me to walk out of that room without you.
You know I think about you everyday and I really am trying to be a good person so I can make you proud. I will see you again, I will hold you in my arms, rock you to sleep, kiss your face, kiss your belly & toes. I don't think I will ever put you down when I do see you again.
I ask every night to see you in my dreams, but you are busy playing right now. Make sure to come and see me Peanut Butter. I miss you so much and don't know how to express myself to you except having the heaviest heart and biggest lump in my throat.
All my Love, hugs & kisses
Mommy

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All I can say is I am so very sorry for your loss. Your writing is so moving, so beautiful. You are so strong to be able to let your thoughts and emotions flow out on this page. What an amazingly courageous mommy you are. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.