Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Everyday Life

Today I am struggling with what my everyday life is going to be.......I will never be what I once was. That lady who never knew the heartache losing a baby could bring. Ignorance is bliss. I think I'm jealous of 'that' lady.

I've have a couple of really bad down days lately and today seems 'a little' better. I believe I got my first sign from Alexandra this morning and it was beautiful. It made me calm to think that she was close to me. If I can't hold her in my arms then I'll carry her in my heart. Some days that helps, others days, well, I'm still a Mommy missing her baby girl too much I think my heart is going to stop. Alex must have known I needed to see from her today. Thanks Peanut!!

I seem to find that writing about my little peanut is helping, which I find strange because I'm not the type of person who usually enjoys writing. I think it's because I'm sharing her with the rest of the world. Thank you for reading.

I know I've tried begging, pleading, anything I can do to get my peanut back and as we all know - it hasn't done any good. Maybe it's the realization that these things aren't going to bring Alexandra back to me that have made me so sad these last few days. So now I turn to the strength of my new friends I have found here to help me learn to live with my angel, and hopefully I can help a friend too.

Alexandra's Mom

1 comment:

Christine (Lucy's Mom) said...

michelley- you keep on writing if it brings you comfort and is working keep doing it. i find it cathartic.